I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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