enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
