My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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