I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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