Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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