Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
