He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
