Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
