Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize