Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
