Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
