That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
