omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
