I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
