i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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