I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
