Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
