Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How does it feel to date your dad?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
