Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
