Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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