I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
