she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
