He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize