I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
