Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
