the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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