I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
