sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
