omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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