oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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