the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
