Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
