i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
