No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
