Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
