every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
