I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
