he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I will be naked everywhere
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
