Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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