Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
