Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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