Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize