Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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