and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
