really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
