are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
