The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
