I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
