dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize