It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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