he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
