Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
