i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
