Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
