I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
