So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
