I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
