p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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