....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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