I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
