dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
