I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize