you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
