New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
