Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think i got beer on your cat.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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