he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
