i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
