I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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