rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was born a porn star she said
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
