The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
