I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
