wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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