We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
