We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
