Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize