Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
