D3 body, D1 cock
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
