This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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