Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
