i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
