girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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