I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize