I met the friendliest cop last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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