thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize