Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
