when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
