clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
