How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize