i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
