ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
