After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
whose parrot is this?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
