just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize