a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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