Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
