fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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