If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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