I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
