she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You are a genius and a whore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
