it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
