I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
