I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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