do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
