I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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