I wish you could order shots online.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
