i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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