I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
