They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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